I often think of the challenges I have faced in my life. When I define these challenges, I don't usually remember the challenges, but what I used to cope. Almost every time I had a life threatening or life changing experience, a film or two changed my life.
It started when I was about nine years old. I had just lost a few family members to cancer, including my father. I had no idea how to deal with grief. My mom happened to think I was mature enough to handle Forrest Gump. Watching Forrest as he mourned the loss of his friends and family gave me strength and ability to handle my own grief. I think that's why it was the first movie I ever considered my favorite.
Flash forward a couple of years to when I turned 16. I was starting to experience the first suicidal ideations I had ever had. I felt I was in a situation I could not escape, and the only release or rest I could ever get was in the sweet kiss of death. I remember watching The Artist in theaters. The main character, George Valentin's entire world collapsed around him. He had the same sort of feelings and emotions that I had. Eventually, there was a light at the end of the tunnel for George and all he had to do was find a new light in life. I eventually did the same. I sought psychiatric help for the first time in my life, only after psyching myself out by stupidly viewing One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest for good measure.
The next phase of my life involved experiencing heartbreak for the first time. Unable to cope with the worst thing you'll ever experience. I begin to heavily view Casabalanca. I thought of myself in similar terms to Bogart, just a national drunkard trying to deal with severe loss. I also though I was equally suave and debonair. This in fact was a fantasy, as my drinking could never be classified as such.
Believe it or not, another deeply philosophical and challenging movie that also changed my life was Godzilla (2014). I know it sounds foolish to list a monster action movie as a life changing experience, but let me explain. Newly sober, I had no idea to have fun without the influence of drugs and alcohol. Seeing Godzilla on a big screen made me realize that there was major fun to be had, while still not selfishly destroying my entire existence and the hearts and minds of everyone around me. I had a similar experience seeing Guardians of the Galaxy that same summer. I realized I had a new coping skills when life got tough and that cinema had been saving me all along.
There are countless other tales of how cinema has impacted, changed, or defined my existence. The last one I would like to share is a more recent one. I recently re-watched the 1988 Italian film Cinema Paradiso. Even though I have absolutely seen this movie before, seeing it with a more mature lens felt like I was experiencing it for the first time. The film had me in tears as it retold a similar tale: a young man who deal with his trials and tribulations with the aide of his love for cinema. It has quickly skyrocketed to becoming one of my new favorites.
When life has tired me, disappointed me, or taken me to my absolute threshold, cinema has been there to dry my tears, comfort me, and make me feel as if someone understands. I truly do not think I would be alive today, if it wasn't for the movies I have come to love saving my life.
mine too xx
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